I Have to Move my Car

There are law books about constructive trusts, the Perpetuities and Accumulations Act 1964 and the rule in Foss v Harbottle. This is not one of them. David Pannick QC has always been much more interested in unpersuasive advocates and injudicious judges.
In this collection of his fortnightly columns from The Times, David Pannick passes judgement on advocates who tell judges that their closing submissions to the jury will not take long because 'I would like to move my car before 5 o'clock; and he sentences judges who claim to have invisible dwarf friends sitting with them on the Bench, who order the parties to 'stay loose - as a goose', and who signal their rejection of an advocate's argument by flushing a miniature toilet on the bench.
In making his submissions, David Pannick QC will entertain and inform you about judges, lawyers, legal entertainment and unusual litigation.

Introduction
Part I: Judges
1 May it please the Court
2 The number five psychic in the country
3 Stay loose, as a goose
4 You want a piece of me?
5 When a judge tries to sue the pants off a defendant
6 If the cap fits
7 The high court
8 Sweet dreams
9 What plays in the Las Vegas courts cannot stay in Las Vegas
10 Real chilli-hot stuff
11 The Ten Commandments judge
12 A good cry
13 The judge's spouse
14 'I have had enough'
15 A retiring judge
16 Cell phone
17 The copycat judge
18 Bedside manner
19 The judge obsessed with sex and death
20 Wild Bill
21 Never entirely English
22 Levin v Goddard
23 Bum point
24 Laughter in court can end in tears
Part II: Lawyers
25 The go-to guy
26 No laughing matter
27 'A Holocaust survivor sent me a book on coping'
28 Welcoming a new DPP
29 Solicitors who make an exhibition of themselves
30 Prosecutors must not strike foul blows
31 Disasters of advocacy
32 A moving experience
33 Academic detours with Roy Stuart
34 Dozy counsel
35 Drunk in charge of a brief
36 Lawyers: don't you just love them?
37 Barristers bearing gifts
38 Mediocre lawyers
39 The trials of HLA Hart
40 The devil of a job
41 A loud clear voice and a good degree in ancient and modern history
42 Peter Duffy QC: an instinct for fairness
43 Promoting free trade in barristers
44 Honest Abe the lawyer
Part III: Legal entertainment
45 'The parties are advised to chill'
46 Poetic justice
47 'Shizzle my nizzle'
48 Razzle Dazzle
49 Cartoon characters
50 R v Deirdre Anne Rachid
51 Searching my soul
52 'I'm gonna look after you'
53 What's your problem?
54 The jibber-jabber of counsel appearing before nancy-pansy judges
55 So whatyougonnado?
56 Leaving room for the possibility
57 Watching Ali fight in the courtroom
58 Killing in cold blood
59 A comedy of legal errors that ended in tragedy
60 Careless people
61 You be the judge
62 All the legal news that's fit to reprint
Part IV: Unusual litigation
63 California dreaming
64 The pursuit of happiness
65 Not the ghost of a chance
66 Ruff justice
67 Parrot squawks before the beak
68 A Valentine's card that says 'Let's be having you'
69 Sticks and stones
70 FedEx sex in prison
71 A modern master on suffering
72 Being treated like royalty
73 Allowing restaurant critics to tuck in and give readers food for thought
74 Whip and tell is no basis for an employment policy
75 Reporting the law
76 Ensuring that justice is seen to be done

“These and other stories will inform and delight.” –  Anthony Lo Surdo, Australian Banking and Finance Law Bulletin

“Some courageous columns were written to expose a wrong or defend a wronged person. The book entertains even as it instructs and enlightens.” –  A. G. Noorani, Frontline

“An entertaining read.” –  The Commonwealth Lawyer, Vol. 18 No. 2